Politicalog - Fighting the Spin: Brown: The Working Man's Hero

Gordon Brown's biography should be titled "How I Single Handedly Destroyed Capitalism".

ENERGY giant Shell has slashed investment in its future North Sea oil drilling programmes by a third, blaming the doubling in oil production taxes announced by Chancellor Gordon Brown in his recent Pre-Budget Report.

A 3 year old could have seen this coming.

Look forward to the following new initiatives from our forward thinking Chancellor:

Means Tested Profit: Big, nasty, greedy corporations are keeping far too much of Gordon's money. With Means Tested Profit, the Goverment will levy a corporation tax rate of 100% and, via a means tested scheme will give back profit to only the most deserving and needy of companies.
Married Couples Salary Credit Scheme: Employed, single people without children earn far too much money as it is. When they marry, the effects of a combined income going to the same household is too much for Gordon to bear. If two people can live as cheap as one, then why do they need all of that excess cash? Let's face it, Gordon could put it to much better use. Instead, the Government will arrest the wages of all married couples and return to them a means tested salary credit, ensuring that only the most needy and deserving couples receive a fair and affordable salary.
Tax Tax: Because Gordon is spending your money so brilliantly, investing in items that you could otherwise never afford, Income Tax will in future be classed as a luxury expense. As a result, your tax bill will be subject to VAT.
Pocket Money Tax: Youngsters need to be indoctrinated into the tax system at the earliest opportunity to truly understand the value of redistribution. Children aged 5 and above will have to fill out an annual Tax Return form which needs to be certified by an independent accountant (supplied by the child's parents or guardians.) There will be severe penalties for late returns. Tax rates will be set on a sliding scale determined by the child's school grades. Money received from persons other than the parent or guardian will be classed as a "benefit in kind". This should be submitted on a separate form P11D and will be taxed at 80%.
Town Centre Pavement Congestion Charge: Most town centres are chock full of inconsiderate people walking around shopping when they could be at home, ordering online. Inspired by Ken Livingstone's congestion charge, Gordon plans to charge pedestrians to walk through congested town centres. Instead of the flat fee model favoured by Ken, pedestrians will be charged £0.02 per step taken. To enforce this, everyone wishing to walk through the town centre will have to have a satellite tracking device and transponder surgically implanted in their anus.
Child Tax: Having children only increases the burden on an already overworked state health and education system. From April, parents of new children will face a nominal tax bill of 60% of their yearly salary for each child born in the fiscal year.